Four Simple Rules For Almost Everything Your Child Shouldn't Do

Rules. We all need them. But did you know that children actually crave them? It's true! The skill is in finding and applying a balance to how many rules you give, how you give them, and what consequences you choose to carry out. I have found that simplified rules that can be set into a singular phrase yet can be applied to a variety of circumstances work best. This makes the rule applicable to many situations, yet keeps it coded by a singular phrase that your child will recognize and relate the wrongdoing to in various situations. Here are some singular statement rules that work at my daycare that you will notice yourself repeating over and over and over and...

1. IF IT'S NOT YOURS, DON'T TOUCH IT (Cause it's somebody else's - not yours).

2. IT'S IN HIS/HER HANDS SO IT'S HIS/HER TURN.

3. WAIT YOUR TURN/YOU CAN BE NEXT.

4. GENTLE HANDS (This one reads more as a statement, but is understood and applied as a rule, encouraging gentle interactions rather than rough ones such as grabbing or hitting).

These may seem like very obvious and basic rules, but the key is to repeat them in the same way every time they are applicable. For example, every single time a child is a little rough, I apply the "Gentle Hands" reminder, and the child knows exactly what I mean. I even take it a step further and say, "Show me gentle hands", and the child knows to replace his or her rough action with a gentle one. Children take so well to these few statements that they incorporate them into their own interactions. It is now very common for me to observe a child responding to another child using this terminology. For example, when child A tries to grab a toy that child B is holding, I am likely to hear child B say, "It's in my hands so it's my turn". If child A persists, then I will often hear child B answer, "Wait your turn. You can be next". It works beautifully because child A has learned these are directions and not optional suggestions. Brilliant! Having set phrases for expected situations also helps the adult from blurting any anger or frustration-driven thing that may come to mind, which is an added benefit for those who struggle with that form of self control. If this sounds like you, make these your go-to statements, and notice how much they help! Please remember not to overuse these phrases, but to save them for when they need to be applied. The fewer times you use any negative direction (including the word 'no', which should be sparingly used!), the more seriously your child will respond to it. Also, remember that you are not merely asking your child to do these things, you are telling him/her to. There is a difference between giving a direction, and asking your child for something, which is interpreted as the child having control. You are the child's authority, and children respect properly executed authority. Try these simple phrases out in your daily interactions with your child, and always remember to keep your patience.

Biblical Reference: 1 Timothy 3:5

For if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? Photo Credit: photo credit: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/mamchenkov/348328637/">Leonid Mamchenkov</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">cc</a>